unstated premise: all people, gay and straight, look for love in all of the wrong places
(unstated because I hope to sneak past what CS Lewis called “the watchful dragons” – to share truth with immediately raising defenses that would dismiss what is said) I was once part of an event where we needed to order 600 pizzas to feed all of the people who were coming – we called a local pizza place and they told us there was no way they could fill that order themselves. It was simply too big . Other pizza places had to be called to help fill the order. Love is a lot like pizza. I have a theory which is the premise for this article – the human desire to be loved far exceeds the human capacity to give love. Why would I say such a thing? If you think about it, most of the pain and heartache we experience in life does not come from people we don’t know. The deepest hurts come from those whom we thought loved us, who should love have us, and even those who truly do love us. And yet no matter how many times we get disappointed, we continue to look for love in other human beings. Is that wrong? No I don’t think so, but when we place our insatiable hunger to be loved on another human being with that insatiable hunger, we are bound to be disappointed. And so a junior high boy gets his heart broken by a girl who does not like him in return. The girl in senior high goes from one bad boy to the next. The guy in college tries to prove himself to his father to hear one word of loving approval. The woman in her late twenties sleeps with multiple partners in search of the right man. The married man finds himself looking elsewhere to find the love he should have with his wife. The parent lives vicariously through their child and the child lives with resentment toward the parent. The married woman goes to reads romance novels to get a taste of the love denied her. In a million different ways, we all hunger for, look for, strive for, fight for, and hope for love – but there seem to be very few of who are not disappointed to some degree. And I think this is why the discussion on marriage in this country has gotten rather heated lately – we all just want to be loved! What’s wrong with that for crying out loud? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it – but I do believe we will all continue to experience heartbreak and disappointment so long as we try to find infinite love from finite sources. And this is where I believe that the Bible offers hope to every human being. It tells us that there is a source of Love that is unlimited. There is a Person in the universe, the One who made the universe, who is overflowing with love – there is an eternal, infinite, and perfect source of love at the heart of the universe! And the Bible offers even better news – God loves you and me for who we are, what we are, right where we are. Unconditional love and acceptance is exactly what we all look for all of our lives! It’s what we are dying to experience. He loves us with all of our flaws, our brokenness, our stubbornness, our self-destructive decisions, and even our outright rebelliousness. He loves us so much that He sent His son to this planet to seek us out and to die for us so that we can experience His love and grace and mercy. But God’s love has a curious effect – while God loves us for who we are, He loves us enough to transform us into the people He originally created us to be. God has a destiny in mind for each of us, a person He originally designed us to be. The big question is, do we want to experience God’s love enough that we’ll allow Him to make us the strong, beautiful, brave, amazing, loving, kind, good, caring, courageous person that He wants us to be (He makes us like Himself, letting His perfect qualities grow inside of us)? The thought of God changing me can be terrifying especially if I’m committed to maintaining an identity I’ve worked hard to create for myself. But to experience ultimate love is to be changed by that Love. If God made me, if God loves me, if God came to this planet to sacrifice His own life and blood for me, I have good reasons to trust that his transforming work in me will be a very good thing. One other effect of experiencing God’s love – when my insatiable hunger for love is filled by infinite love, suddenly my capacity to love others exponentially increases. I no longer need to insist that others love me, meet my needs, and fulfill my desires. I can focus on let the love of God overflow from my heart into the lives of others. So where are you looking for love? How is that working for you? What you really want in the depths of your heart is out there. It just might not be where you thought it was.
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WHO I AM
I'm a follower of Jesus, husband to my lovely wife Judy, father of Evangelina, Micah, Josiah, and Jeremiah, missionary to the northeast United States and advocate for all things youth ministry. WHAT I DO
I am the northeast regional coordinator for the National Network of Youth Ministries. I've worked for the last 24 years as the co-executive director of Teens For Christ, a ministry that equips teenagers to share their faith in their schools. I also served on staff at Cherry Tree Alliance Church for 15 years as youth pastor and family life pastor. My Websites
Youth Ministry Consultations Youth Ministry Networking 9 Month Mission Trip Speaking at camps, retreats, youth groups, etc. Archives
March 2022
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